That annual "New Year New Me Post"

On New Year’s Eve I was hiding under my covers scrolling through Twitter mourning the loss of so many famous icons and generally feeling sorry for myself. I was at a loss to think of a New Year’s Resolution other than get my binging issues under control (I had eaten more guilt laden chocolates in the proceeding 24hrs than I had eaten all year!)

As I scrolled I discovered that it was the milestone 20^th Birthday of a girl that I follow, she shares my name and sense of humor and I was overcome by emotion when I realised that she had reached her goal. She could do anything. Katie first inspired me when I heard her courageous story on the pod cast “Mental Illness Happy Hour” with Paul Gilmartin in which they discuss a blog post in which she wrote a letter to her sixteen year old self – here is the link – I am an avid listener and it was the first episode in years to make me cry big ugly tears, for the first time in my life I was able to feel compassion for my own 16yr old self, all I had been through and all I was yet to experience.

Katie had promised herself back then, in the hardest moment of her life that she would let herself live to twenty, she found admirable inner strength and has taken charge of her mental health and has now successfully hit her milestone and will continue to hit many more. I am so proud of her and it inspired me to also give myself the chance to live.

 So 2017. I don’t particularly like the number combination and I have decided I simply don’t want it imprinted on my gravestone. I am acknowledging the fact that I must responsibly own my decision not to take medication anymore and I owe it to myself and also my family to really, genuinely try and take control of my own mental health.

I have decided that this year suicide is off the table, it is just not an option. I am going to choose to let myself live! I am going to enjoy the little things, I WILL STOP self-sabotaging, I will force myself to get up and participate and I will do things that I never believed I could.

I will spend more time with the family

I will get fix my poor garden!

(Work in progress)

 2017 bucket list:

• Write every week or more often 
• Climb Mt Kosciuszko 
• Continue to exercise daily, building up my running time
• Listen to music daily
• Spend time in nature at least 3 times per week
• Get on top of my garden and make it beautiful again
• Finally run in the “mothers day classic’ fun run
• Have photo books printed
• Spend more time with the family
• ·        Eat quality foods that will nourish my body

Let the games begin. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

You can also follow the podcast @mentalpod and Katie @rosearium on Twitter