Music makes the world go round

I slept last night, slept in this morning in fact, waking only to my daughter informing me that it was 7:27am and it was time to leave for school. SHIT! Pulling on the nearest items that could pass for clothing, including Black hippy skirt, blue floral flowy top, mint green cardigan and Ugg boots. Stylish.

I eyed my bed hair and yesterdays smudged mascara in the mirror, grabbed my car keys, tripped over the rug and yelled at the kids to get in the car hoping that they were actually awake and dressed since I was yet to sight them that morning.

 Amazingly enough, my self-sufficient little darlings had readied themselves and despite not having yet had coffee and not being quite certain of whether I was awake or dreaming, I managed to ferry them to the bus stop without incident. Didn’t even run over a kangaroo!

Now that I’m a bit more with it, I can feel that today is calmer and with its calm, it has brought me the gift of a snotty nose and inflamed sinuses. My mind is still firing left and right and mentally I still feel a bit like I am trapped in a bubble, observing the world on a high definition television screen. 

But for the most part reality is coexisting with me and my body is physically getting on and doing things on autopilot. I went to hang out the washing and I had already done it, I have no recollection of that.

I keep having brilliant brainwaves but I can’t commit to an idea for long enough to act on it or write it down and I keep forgetting where I was up to, attention span issues.

 Just found out that legendary comedian Will Anderson has been touring in a city near enough for me to get to AND I MISSED IT.

The discovery that Coldplay and The Chainsmokers collaborated on a song made my heart sing and my wallet bleed; I never leave iTunes as rich as I went in but then again I guess its a sound investment because when it comes down to it music makes the world go round. See what I did there?

I caught up with my best mate from life before adulthood is about to release a new album “Beautiful Shadows” in March 2017 and its great. Fuck I am proud of him, from the day I met him in Yr 8 maths class he wanted to sing and write music and he damn well did it. 

He sometimes worries that because he doesn’t have “a real job” or kids or a partner that he’s not “adulting” properly, but his entire life he has always stayed true to himself and that’s something I really fucking admire, so lying in a bed of nostalgia, I dreamed of what could have been and wrote him a song; well the lyrics to one anyway, my musical talent begins and ends with the air guitar.

I will leave you with a Tom song, this is one of my faves “Flying on the 88” its going to be on the "Beautiful Shadows" album and it was filmed on a NY roof top during a freezing winter. Wish I had been there, sigh…

The Toast Post

So I bought a new toaster, well two actually – one for myself and my youngest son as we are both gluten free and one for the rest of the tribe. I wanted nice black toasters for the new kitchen and I paid a king’s ransom for them but they don’t match and it erks me slightly.

 

I prefer the little one

The place I bought the four slice one from had run out of two slice ones so I went to another place to get the two slice equivalent and the ones they had were slightly different and I couldn’t return the four slice one so ended up with odd toasters.

 Now the purchase of a new small appliance is hardly a blogworthy topic, it’s not like my old toaster ended its life with a blue spark and a ball of fire but I have too much time on my hands and my creative juices aren’t exactly flowing at the moment so here we are...

Settings 1 through 6

You see my husband insisted on reading ALL of the 6 page instruction booklet out loud in a posh slightly Brittish accent and between bouts of laughter we were surprised that we actually learned a few things. 

For example we discovered that there is a genuine reason that toasters have so many settings ranging from “warm the bread slightly” all the way through to “burn the living shit out of it”.

Top toast tip: The “burn the living shit out of it” setting is designed for thicker, moister loaf cuts such as raisin bread and the “warm the bread slightly” is for thinner dryer slices. 

Caution this product may turn into a kettle without warning!

However, as we live in the days of reduced common sense, the instructions are very important as they stipulate important lesser known facts such as:

•  “Do not toast stale bread, rice crackers or similar on the high setting as there is a chance they may catch fire”. I confess that I have set my kitchen on fire multiple times but not yet with the toaster...

"Do not place objects such as toast, bread or similar on top of your toaster when in use." 

 

 




• “Do not immerse the appliance in water or any other liquid unless recommended” I wonder exactly whom is able to give such a recommendation and under what circumstances would they recommend it?

"Do not place appliance on or near a hot gas flame, electric element or heated oven"

•  “Do not use an appliance for any purpose other than it’s intended use.” Such a shame there are so many possibilities…      

“Never attempt to extract jammed toast, muffins, bagels or crumpets with a knife or other metal object” .

So without further ado I propose a poetic welcoming toast to my new toasters:

 “Welcome to my humble kitchen, where there is sometimes laughter and often bitchin', may you warm my bread to a golden brown when I adjust your setting to half way down.

 Promise me you will do no harm, like no setting off my smoke alarm and no dropping crumbs or sparking blue when inevitably I stick a knife in you.

So here you are with your ‘high lift leaver’, ‘defrost button’ and ‘Quick check feature’, we embark upon this journey together, browning bread or crumpets in the cooler weather, ‘your self-centering bread slots’ may have left my wallet empty, but with all these children you’ll be used plenty.

On not doing things

Shhh Mummy's little secret...

A rainy Saturday afternoon, The Hubby has taken Ben to the movies with his mates for his 14^th birthday, the other kids are fighting over something to do with the x box and I have Nirvana blaring through the headphones trying to drown out the noise and maybe let me remember a better time, all the while I’m on my knees trying to scrub the piss off the toilet floor in preparation for tomorrows onslaught of birthday family visitors while breaking periodically to duck into the pantry for another shot of the Malibu I keep hidden in the top cupboard. 

I’ve been procrastinating, writing, running, staring off into space. The house is still a bomb and I’m secretly starting to get quite tipsy, maybe this can be the year I give up and let them all see the real state of my house which believe me it’s not pretty.

Ugh must stop this, I have a Malteser cake to make and my God there are a lot of cobwebs on the ceiling...