Un-medicate Me

Around a month ago after agonising over it for a while and finally talking to my husband and psychiatrist about it, I am slowly tapering off of my meds. My Pdoc said she didn’t think it was a good idea but since I was hell bent on it and would no doubt do it anyway then she would prefer I go about it the right way and with support.

I reached the point of ‘can’t take the side effects anymore’ I was getting sudden waves of tiredness that would knock me to the floor, I was either depressed or ‘flat’, never happy, my mind was so foggy it was hard to carry on a detailed conversation, I have virtually no memory and the anxiety I was getting was unbelievable. It made life hard and working a nightmare.

So I was taking 40mg Zeldox (antipsychotic) twice daily, Lithium 450mg twice daily and Lamictal (anti-seizure come mood stabiliser) 100mg twice daily. I do plan to wean off of the lot but as with any medication change I agree that I need to do this slowly, so I am starting with the Zeldox, I first cut down to 40mg at night and 40mg every second morning, now I am down to 20mg at night only.

My head already feels ‘clearer’, I feel less ‘flat’ and my anxiety has reduced three fold. I also seem to have been pretty lucky with withdrawal effects so far although my hands are shaking like crazy – typing this is surprisingly difficult and I keep grinding my teeth and getting hot/cold chills which are annoying but I am not sure if all this is from the med reduction or I am getting the flu or even if it’s all in my head!

My plan for surviving without medication is based around self-care and awareness of my moods and my need to take stock and slow down if things are getting too much for me. I currently have a great psychiatrist, my GP is ok but I am lacking in a psychologist – my first one was amazing but since she took on a full time government job and was unable to see clients anymore nobody else has been able to live up to that standard. 

I have learned the hard way that I am not capable of working 6 day weeks while running a household on two hours sleep a night, it just ends in mania and hospital and that is a road I NEVER want to go to go down again! So I really, really hope this works out, I hate being dependent on Big Pharma, I just want my life back!